So, we have a set of rules to live by in this world. Don’t kill, don’t steal, don’t cheat on your spouse, etc. We have lots of other rules like wear your seat belt, wear a helmet, no hitting, no lying, and no downloading music.. haha

We also have rules that are not written down, the ones that hide in the corner until you break them and then you suddenly become stricken with some sort of social disease that makes people look at you as if you were a rotting pus-filled sore, existing only to irritate them. The secret rules that you will not be familiar with if you actually have a mind of your own and decide to live your life the way you so choose. If, on the other hand, you have chosen to swim in the cesspool that is full of the shit “normal” people are supposed to do, well, you will recognize the rules and wonder why I would dare question them.

If you are a breaker of these rules you will recognize the torturous conflicts I deal with in life as a fellow rule breaker. I will gladly offer some alternative ways to deal with the rules and to deal with those who give you the “you just broke one of the secret rules.. LOOSSEEEERRRR” look. That tiny little grin and turn of the head, with a bit of confusion thrown in for good measure. Sometimes the look is accompanied by an actual inane comment or two like “why do you do that, it’s not NORMAL” or “that is not the way it’s always been done” or even better “why don’t you just do it like everybody else, makes life a lot easier” (yeah, a lobotomy does too, but you don’t see me running out for one of those now do ya?). Those comments, when encountered, are better left unacknowledged.

The first rule, though it seems a bit superficial to even discuss it, is that you are not supposed to wear the same clothes to work, or anywhere for that matter, more than one day a week. HUH?? I guess if I was a fashion model I would give a shit, but I don’t. Let’s take this one and figure out exactly what the point is.

Hmmmm If I wear the same shirt on Monday and then again on Thursday that makes me look like I don’t care about what image I project to impress other people. It does not effect my job performance or my ability to function in anyway, but it matters because it “looks strange”. YEP, that makes sense. My solution, ask anyone who questions you about your clothes what you wore the second Tuesday of last month, if they do not know, smile smugly and walk away. If they do know.. well, get a new job, those people are freaks. I have never understood the thing about clothes and work. Call me a slacker, but if our wardrobe effected our job skills in anyway, the truth is we would all wear t-shirts and sweatpants, the most comfortable clothes possible so we can concentrate on our job, not our fashion statement. And, by the way, if you are one who concerns yourself with mine, or anyone else’s’ clothes at work.. maybe you need to think about your job a little bit more and about how often I change my underwear less often.

Next Rule: Wives CAN have a job, Husbands MUST have a job.

Well, this one really puzzles me. I will admit, it hits home. I have been married for over a year… CORRECTION, I have been VERY HAPPILY married for over a year to a man who must have been created according to my exact specifications, because he is the best husband anyone could ask for, and fits my personality like a glove. Not many women I know can stake a claim on that blessing.

He’s kind hearted, talented, intelligent, tolerant, patient, nonjudgmental, considerate, dignified, respectful and respectable. And GOD FORBID.. he does not have a “get up early, get dressed, fight traffic, be underappreciated, work too many hours, get old before your time, neglect your family, waste your life” job. He works harder than any man I have ever known. He pays close attention to our marriage, to me and our life together. He cares about our home and enjoys being in it to do his work, and spend time with me instead of some schmucks in a cubicle or behind a counter somewhere.

Man oh Man does this seem to bother people, the same ones who care about image and going along with the crowd. The secret rule here is that if you are a man, you are required to suffer and be unhappy, because why??? hmmmmm let’s see, because other men choose to be miserable and stressed and I suppose they think every other man should have to struggle along through life just like they do. NEWS FLASH PEOPLE…… LIFE IS NOT ABOUT A JOB or the status if having extra cash or impressing dimwitted hillbillies and yuppies who decided to live by the unwritten rules… LIFE IS ABOUT YOU LIVING THE WAY THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY AND GETS YOU FROM DAY TO DAY, providing you are not hurting anyone of course. It’s about waking up glad to be alive and going to bed comforted by a loving embrace, hopefully for the rest of your life.

I’ve seen these people who live by all the “normal” rules of life, they stink of magazine cologne swatches and use phrases like “go for it” and “just do it”. They get up everyday and have a routine of time wasting rituals that exist only to make them appear to be someone they are not. They use facial scrubs and brag about how much they bench press. If they are faced with anything that is different, that varies from the rules or from what they have been told is acceptable or that they do not understand, they have a very well rehearsed, well defined response, “That’s Weird, I don’t like it.”

I will be happy to live my life wearing the same clothes everyday, black shirt, black pants, white socks, tennis shoes. I will be exceptionally happy and satisfied and intensely passionate in my marriage to a man who cares more about me than kissing the bosses ass. We live according to our rules, that might make us abnormal, so beware if you come around, it might rub off. You might just grow a brain of your own.. yikes.. you better stay away. Life can be complicated when you decide things for yourself instead of going along with the status quo. If you choose not to come around us, I’ll understand.

You see, as much as I sound like I am bitching, the strange thing is I believe that if you want to live by the secret rules, more power to ya… do what makes you happy. If you want to have a spouse that spends more time at work than being with you, hey, that’s up to you. If you choose to spend time, energy and money trying to look like a picture in a magazine, that’s cool too. I would support any choice you make that would make you feel good about yourself and your life, without harshly judging you or making fun of you. It’s a shame I don’t get that same sentiment returned from most of the normal people in the world.

Monday, April 2, 2001